Von Cruisenberg

The most famous attempt to assassinate Hitler (July 20 Plot) goes to the silver screen and the actor who’s going to play Claus von Stauffenberg is… Tom Cruise.

This doesn’t go over well in Europe, and particularly Germany, of course: First of all, German authorities have something against Scientology. Secondly, Von Stauffenberg’s assassination attempt was one of the most significant events in a Nazi-Germany and showed that not everybody in the army was happy with the direction the nation was heading for.

But with all respect to the ones involved in that (heroic) assassination attempt, when I heard that Cruise was going to play the main conspirator I was thinking of the following (fitting) Tom Cruise-like endings that might slightly adjust our historical view:

1. Tom Cruise dies: that is after he kisses a female, of course.
2. Tom Cruise doesn’t die, but manages to escape. Instead a doppelganger dies!
3. The Aliens die at the end, after they managed to kill Hitler who is then resurrected by the Evil Doer. To be continued.
4. The film closes with a scene of Tom Cruise juggling with a bunch of bottles and a line ‘based on true events’.
5. The conspirators sing ‘You’ve lost that loving feeling’ acapella and then the credits appear.

07/04/07: Cruise film banned from memorial.

This entry was posted in We-reflect-news and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.