This fragment has been taken from my LiveJournal after I found the third earwig on the cupboard in the kitchen. PG 14+.
Today a date which will live in infamy, the United Forces of The Hoogervorst
Residence were suddenly and deliberately attacked by the ground forces of
The Hoogervorst Residence was at peace with that nation and was still prepared to live
peacefully with that nation.
The attack today on the kitchen has severily damaged our beliefs that the conflict can be
resolved peacefully. Many paper towels have been lost. In addition, our kitty has been reported torpedoed
on the high seas of her couch.
Last night Earwicga submarine forces tried to overcome the Great WaterSink in the Kitchen
Earwicga has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout our Residence.
The facts of yesterday speak for themselves. The people and the pets of the Residence have already
formed their opinions and do well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our House.
As Commander-in-Chief of the Raid and Shoes, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense.
Always will we remember the character of the onslaught against us. No matter how long it may take us
to overcome this premeditated invasion, we Humans, in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.
I believe I interpret the will of Wundee and others on livejournal, when I assert that we will not only
defend ourselves to the uttermost but will make very certain that this form of treachery shall
never endanger us again.
Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that we, our
territory, and our interests and our food and our pets and my wife are
in grave danger.
With confidence in our armed forces – with the unbounded determination of me – we will gain the inevitable
I ask that Wundee declare, that since the unprovoked and bastardly attack by the Earwicgas today,
Friday the Thirteenth of 2001, a state of war has existed between the Hoogervorst Residence and the
Earwicga Empire. So help us God.