{"id":181,"date":"2001-07-13T19:00:00","date_gmt":"2001-07-13T22:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.hoogervorst.ca\/arthur\/?p=181"},"modified":"2001-07-13T19:00:00","modified_gmt":"2001-07-13T22:00:00","slug":"were-under-attack","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.hoogervorst.ca\/arthur\/?p=181","title":{"rendered":"We’re under attack"},"content":{"rendered":"

T<\/span>his fragment has been taken from my LiveJournal after I found the third earwig on the cupboard in the kitchen. PG 14+.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Today a date which will live in infamy, the United Forces of The Hoogervorst
\n Residence were suddenly and deliberately attacked by the ground forces of
\n Earwicga<\/a>.
\n The Hoogervorst Residence was at peace with that nation and was still prepared to live
\n peacefully with that nation.
\n The attack today on the kitchen has severily damaged our beliefs that the conflict can be
\n resolved peacefully. Many paper towels have been lost. In addition, our kitty has been reported torpedoed
\n on the high seas of her couch.<\/p>\n

Yesterday the Earwicga<\/a> Government also launched an attack against our Bedroom.
\n Last night Earwicga<\/a> forces attacked our Living Room.
\n Last night Earwicga<\/a> airborne forces attacked the Porch.<\/p>\n

Last night Earwicga<\/a> submarine forces tried to overcome the Great WaterSink in the Kitchen<\/p>\n

Earwicga<\/a> has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout our Residence.
\n The facts of yesterday speak for themselves. The people and the pets of the Residence have already
\n formed their opinions and do well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our House.<\/p>\n

As Commander-in-Chief of the Raid and Shoes, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense.
\n Always will we remember the character of the onslaught against us. No matter how long it may take us
\n to overcome this premeditated invasion, we Humans, in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.<\/p>\n

I believe I interpret the will of Wundee and others on livejournal, when I assert that we will not only
\n defend ourselves to the uttermost but will make very certain that this form of treachery shall
\n never endanger us again.<\/p>\n

Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that we, our
\nterritory, and our interests and our food and our pets and my wife are
\nin grave danger.
\n With confidence in our armed forces – with the unbounded determination of me – we will gain the inevitable
\n triumph.<\/p>\n

I ask that Wundee declare, that since the unprovoked and bastardly attack by the Earwicgas today,
\n Friday the Thirteenth of 2001, a state of war has existed between the Hoogervorst Residence and the
\n Earwicga Empire<\/a>. So help us God.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This fragment has been taken from my LiveJournal after I found the third earwig on the cupboard in the kitchen. PG 14+.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[14],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hoogervorst.ca\/arthur\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/181"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hoogervorst.ca\/arthur\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hoogervorst.ca\/arthur\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hoogervorst.ca\/arthur\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hoogervorst.ca\/arthur\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=181"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.hoogervorst.ca\/arthur\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/181\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hoogervorst.ca\/arthur\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=181"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hoogervorst.ca\/arthur\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=181"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hoogervorst.ca\/arthur\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=181"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}